


a gathering storm

by hippolarium



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: :((, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, F/M, Sad with a Sad Ending, all i know is pain, just pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippolarium/pseuds/hippolarium
Summary: "On some level, she had known it was coming. But it still struck her in the hollowest pit of her stomach, the quiet fizzle of electricity in the air, the absence of sunlight. There was a storm brewing today. It was only a matter of time."Or, a oneshot of sorts where the 2020-hardened author works through some ~issues~ with the magic of fictional characters :D
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Kudos: 12





	a gathering storm

**Author's Note:**

> i will say before i begin, i haven't watched any of the new episodes of miraculous so i will apologise in advance for these ooc versions of these characters and any inaccuracies with Parisian culture. started writing this in quarantine sort of as a part vent-fic, part angry-at-thomas-astruc's-writing fic and had zero intention of finishing it (much less actually POSTING it), but surprise surprise, here we are, and if i have to put up with my angsty ass, so do y'all 😈😈😈
> 
> on the fic itself, i envision marinette and adrien to be in their final year of university in a universe where kwamis and miraculouses aren't a thing. it still keeps a lot of the non-superhero elements of canon though, like their iconic Umbrella SceneTM. 
> 
> anyways i've kept you guys long enough, enjoy the fic!! <33

When Marinette awoke that morning to the tungsten light of her roommate’s lamp instead of the usual trickle of dawn across her room, she knew it was going to be a bad day. It was the darkest day all summer, with grey clouds stretching for miles across the sky with no end in sight. On some level, she had known it was coming; the weather updates had been warning of a massive outpouring within the upcoming weeks, and she had even been caught in the rain a few times on campus. But it still struck her in the hollowest pit of her stomach, the quiet fizzle of electricity in the air, the absence of sunlight. 

There was a storm brewing today. It was only a matter of time.

For most of the day, she managed to successfully distract herself from the feeling. It wasn’t all that hard; especially at this time of semester, her responsibilities kept her busy well enough. If she wasn’t waiting tables in the campus coffee shop, she was letting M. Clara work her to the bone at her fashion internship (seriously, there had to be some law against the ungodly workload she had been made to do). Oh, and of course, Marinette was painstakingly chipping away at her mountain of assignments. She had managed to claim one of the coveted empty desks at the library and had, even more miraculously, managed to hold onto it for more than two hours straight.

By the late afternoon, the library had begun to wear on her. Marinette leaned back in her seat and stretched her arms as best as she could within the limited space of the cubicle. She was still a little too behind on this assignment than she would’ve liked, but she knew she was reaching her limit. Lazily, she began to pack her gear, pointedly ignoring the students who had been waiting around for a spot to free up glaring daggers into her back, urging her to speed it up. Her dorm had been having sporadic electricity outages all semester; she was in no hurry to get back.

She had just checked out and passed through the doors when she heard a voice cry out, “Marinette!”

On instinct, she paused and waited for that familiar rush of giddiness. But only to her mild surprise, she felt nothing.

Above her, the dark clouds loomed across the sky.

Adrien eventually caught up, falling into step beside her as she continued on her way. “Hey! Where’ve you been all day, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Marinette gave him a half-hearted, apologetic smile. “Yeah, I’ve just been in the library, I only got out now,” she replied, politely, perfunctorily.

“Oh, why didn’t you tell me earlier? We could’ve studied together. I’ve just gotta prep for that business ethics exam and-”

“I really needed to focus on my project management plan today,” she said, barely glancing his way. She tried to subtly pick up her pace, but he easily kept up.

“Well, if you’re finished at the library, you wanna grab something to eat? I would kill for a pizza right now, fuck what Eduardo has to say,” he said, as oblivious as ever.

“I had something to eat an hour ago, so I think I’ll just head back to my dorm. But if you’re hungry, don’t let me stop you from getting something to eat,” she said, not-so-subtly striding ahead.

“Hang on a moment,” he said, easily catching up. “Why are you in such a rush?” He positioned himself in front of her, forcing her to a stop. His green eyes peered down at her with concern, holding her in place. Once upon a time, she would’ve lost herself in those eyes. “I haven’t seen you all day, Marinette, I’m trying to hang out with you,” he said, his voice now betraying the tiniest hint of worry.

 _I know_ , she thought frustratedly. But instead, Marinette reined in her annoyance and sighed, shouldering her bag. “Adrien, exams start in a few days, and there’s still so much I need to catch up on.” When she saw him opening his mouth again in protest, she quickly added, “You _know_ what’s at stake for me, what with my scholarship and internship. I can’t afford to fail.” At that, he closed his mouth defeatedly, guiltily. Nothing like a healthy reminder of all his privileges to get him to listen.

A small crack of thunder echoed above, and other students around them began to scamper off in search of shelter. Marinette glanced at the sky again and frowned—she was about eighty percent sure she had forgotten her stupid umbrella again—before looking over at Adrien again. “Sorry, rain check on that lunch?”

She didn’t wait for an answer as she maneuvered around him and continued on her way.

“It hasn’t just been today, Marinette.”

The sudden chill in his voice brought her to a sudden halt.

In the nine years she’d known Adrien, she had only seen him get angry three times. The first was in middle school, when Chloe Bourgeois had taken it a too far with her almost obsessive desire to make Marinette’s life a living hell, and had made some racist comment about her mother (and by extension, Marinette). She had been too young to understand how disgusting the comment had been at the time, but that incident permanently ended his friendship with Chloe, his first and only friend for a long time when he first showed up at public school. The second time had been the summer before their high school graduation, after he found out how poorly one of the Agreste store managers had treated her over the course of her first paid job outside the bakery. Although she appreciated the effort he went through to help her get some work experience in the fashion world, she vowed that she would find her own work opportunities from then on out, asking him for help only as a last resort. The third time was a fight with his father over something he still refused to talk to her about.

It always unnerved her, how quickly he could switch from the warm and friendly young man that she had grown to know (and love), to this cold and ruthless figure that could cut down the mighty with a single blow. He wasn’t just scary when he was angry.

He was downright formidable.

Marinette paused for a moment, considering her next move very carefully. Finally, with all the caution one would bring to approaching a stray animal, she turned to face him.

His eyes were hard and steely, but she had known him long enough to recognise the glimmer of desperation, of distress, beneath that cold veneer of indifference. The sight of it lowered her guard incrementally. A reminder that despite the years under Gabriel’s severe tutelage, he was still Adrien beneath it all. He might’ve inherited his father’s face, but the heart that beat in his chest was entirely his own.

“I know you’re busy,” he said, trying for a softer tone. “I know you have to work twice as hard for the things you have, and there’s a lot riding on you to succeed. But you told me during our mid-sem exams that we’d hang out over the mid-sem break. And then you pushed it back to the long weekend. And then it became _Armistice Day_ .” He took a tentative step towards her, the cracks in his facade growing larger by the second. “A-And I know how insane it can get when you’ve got all these, these... _commitments_ to a number of other people, and you’ve got all these people relying on you—God, I _do_ . And I’ve done my absolute _best_ to be accommodating and supportive of you and your schedule over these past few months, but-” He glanced away abruptly and pressed his lips together, mulling over his next few words. Then, finally abandoning all pretense of indifference, his eyes flickered back to hers.

“Marinette, have I done something wrong?”

He stood before her, made small by the sudden and unexpected overflow of his emotions, by the heart hanging clearly, undefended, on his sleeve. In that moment, he was nothing like the confident young man who had promised her their whole lives ahead of them. In that moment, he was the boy standing before her in the rain, struggling to find the words to apologise.

The giver in Marinette wanted to take this mess of a boy and kiss away his pain. To rush in without a second thought and be both carer and protector. That had always been the way with them.

But what does one give when there is nothing left? What does one do when she’s exhausted all of her heart and strength? What happens when she’s given herself so wholly and completely, that there’s nothing else of her? When she can barely support her own weight?

Suddenly, thunder crackled sharply across the sky, much louder and with much more aggression than the previous strike. And Marinette _hardened_.

“No, Adrien,” she said coldly. “You’ve done nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

A giver could only survive so long without anything in return. At some point, she had to make a choice. To bend or to break. Although logically, she had to have known about the second option, she had always dismissed it as an impossibility. She had always held onto the hope—a beautiful illusion, really—that one day her loyalty and unwavering love would pay off. What a mistake that had turned out to be.

Without so much as a parting glance, she swivelled around and continued back towards her dorm. By this point, small pellets of rain had begun to free-fall all around her, finding their place in her hair, on her clothes, on her cheeks. Half-heartedly, she rummaged through her bag for an umbrella, but to no avail. Another bad habit she hadn’t been able to rid herself of, in spite of all the warnings and reminders from her mother and best friends. If it weren’t for what she had just done, she might’ve laughed at the irony of it.

The gesture must’ve awakened something in Adrien because in the next moment, she heard his footsteps jogging up to meet her again. “Marinette, I don’t understand-”

She didn’t slow down.

“Wait a second, _please_ -”

“I can’t do this right now,” she murmured, easily pulling her arm free.

“And what about me?” he snapped. “I’ve given you nothing but space over the past few weeks, trusting that you’ll _talk_ to me when you’re ready. But I can’t keep living with all these doubts and questions in my head. _I can’t_ . When do _I_ get to know what happened between us? When do _I_ get the chance to get my closure? When are you going to look around and actually think about how your choices affect me-”

“ _I’ve always thought about you!_ ” she exploded, whirling around to turn on him. She was aware that they were beginning to attract the attention of a few people within their vicinity, but she was far too worked up to care. “For as long as we’ve known each other, you’ve _always_ been my first priority! Oh, Adrien needs help coming up with ideas for the science fair? No problem, I’ll give him some of mine! What university am I going to? I’ll choose the one that Adrien’s going to! He needs cheering up after his father’s just forgotten his birthday for the fifth year in a row? I’m already there! Nevermind that I have my own, time-sensitive shit to worry about!”

Marinette was vaguely aware that she needed to stop there, that she had already driven home her point, there was no stemming the tide. Not until she had drained herself of every last drop. She should’ve known better. From the first word, she should’ve known that she had opened her Pandora’s Box. Like the rain now bearing down upon them, the words kept pouring out of her mouth.

“He’s feeling anxious about his date tomorrow? Let me just head over and let him practice on me every single word, every single effort to woo some other girl that’s not me! That will _never_ be me! The girl he’s been texting for the past few weeks suddenly broke his heart? Let me just push my own feelings aside to be there for him! Never mind how much it hurt to watch him be like that with someone else! Because _fuck_ my own feelings, right? What does it matter, when he needs me to put him back together?”

Lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, illuminating the pallor of his features in blinding white, revealing the wild, shell-shocked look in his eyes. For a moment, Marinette stood there wordlessly, bearing down on him with the full brunt of her emotions. Her vision was growing increasingly blurry, but she refused to wipe at her face. She didn’t know if she would be wiping off the rain or her own tears.

Finally, she registered him taking a shaky breath. He opened and closed his mouth, as if trying to remember how to speak. “You said you got over that crush,” he said quietly, disbelievingly.

Marinette barked out a sardonic laugh and wiped at her face roughly. “I never got over you, Adrien.” Her voice was low, but he recoiled instantly, as if she had doused him with fire. She scoffed at herself harshly and made a half-hearted attempt at pushing her wet hair out of her face. “And for the longest time, I thought I could take anything, just as long as it meant I wouldn’t have to lose you. So I made myself completely and unconditionally available to you. And I don’t even remember why—maybe part of me still clung onto that sweet, impossible fantasy that one day you would feel the same. Maybe it was just easier for me to hold onto this rather than face the unknown all alone. All I know is that I just kept giving, and giving, and giving, until I lost myself to you.”

A giver could only survive so long without anything in return. Marinette had been breaking for a long time, and called it bending. It had taken her far too long to realise that.

“No,” he all but whispered, as if denying it could make it untrue. “You’re my best friend, you’re the most important person in the world to me, I-I would never…” But even as he tried to reason with himself, she could see the truth dawning on him. And it absolutely _crushed_ him.

For some inexplicable reason, Marinette took a hesitant step forward. Maybe it was a knee-jerk reaction to seeing him so shattered. Maybe it was her better nature to soothe the pain of those she saw in suffering. Or maybe it was something else entirely. 

“You used me, Adrien,” she said, and to her surprise, there was no malice behind her words. “You used me, and I let you.”

Maybe, in the midst of all her grief and brokenness, it was her first step at healing.

When he had first rejected her that evening right after their graduation formal dinner, Marinette thought she had seen the worst of heartbreak. She’d managed to put on a brave face for the rest of the night, and even more miraculously, convinced Adrien that she’d be okay, but the minute she stepped into her room, she was inconsolable. She had cried herself to sleep for days, barely managing to hold it together for more than a few minutes. In her depression, she had forgotten to take care of herself; she was losing sleep, she had stopped showering altogether, and she was accidentally skipping meals. It had worried her parents sick. The guilt she felt about worrying her parents so much managed to stem her tears, but it wasn’t enough to cure her completely. No, the only thing that had been able to pull her out of misery was Adrien, and his promise that he’d always be there for her.

(That should’ve been the first red flag.)

Those few days after graduation were nothing compared to this. For the longest time, she had believed that losing him was the absolute worst thing that could happen to her. But she wasn’t just losing him this time; she was completely cutting herself off from him and that version of herself that _he_ came to represent. From someone who had always been a source of safety, of comfort, for her. From someone who had always shown her what it was like to dream, to hope, to aspire for something greater. From someone who, at some point, she truly loved with all her heart.

He looked up at her, his green eyes full of so, so much pain. “Marinette, I-” He cut himself off abruptly, struggling to find his words. He took a step forward, his movements measured, defeated. “I didn’t know.”

And he was right. In spite of her anger and suffering, it wasn’t fair of her to blame him for something he did unconsciously.

She returned his gaze hollowly, unfeelingly. “Neither did I.”

But that didn’t erase the fact that _it happened_ . That people still got hurt because of his— _their_ —choices. And she had been on the receiving end of the brunt of it.

In times of extreme suffering, it was human instinct to look for someone to blame. For every victim, there was always a perpetrator. A villain. But Marinette was far beyond that point now. What she needed was not someone to point the finger at. Pointing fingers wouldn’t put the broken pieces of her heart and soul back together. She wasn’t some clueless, desperate teenager anymore. The truth was, the only thing that could permanently fix her was herself.

Thunder rumbled across the sky again, but quieter, steadier. Marinette lifted her gaze to him one last time, her heart breaking twice over.

“Goodbye, Adrien.”

In another life, perhaps they truly were meant to be together. But Marinette was done dwelling on what-if’s and could-be’s. In a few weeks, months, years, she would find it in herself to reconcile the concept that she had spent all these years adding colour and depth to, with the real person of Adrien. Maybe they'd even find their way back together as real friends, just the way it was always meant to be. Or this would be the last she'd ever see of him. And this day, this moment would be nothing more than a passing memory.

But that didn’t stop it from _hurting_.

Once upon a time, she had watched his retreating figure from the steps of a public school, wondering at the significance of this boy who had just entered her life, dreaming about what the future held in store for them. But there was nothing left of that person now. All that remained was a girl walking away from all she had ever known, out in the cold and unrelenting rain.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry :)))


End file.
